Hope

This morning I was remembering a very dark evening.  I have suffered with a severe anxiety disorder for several years now, and also bipolar disorder.    But I won't go into detail about that.  

Maybe another day. 

Today I'm remembering this one particularly awful night.  I felt completely hopeless, as though I couldn't find any reason for my exsistence.  As I prayed that evening, the Lord gave to me hope.  Hope that not every night would be this hard.  Hope that He would bring me through any difficulty I would face.  Hope that His strength and love would be sufficient in my weakness.  That evening I wrote Hope Whispers.  My prayer is that it will remind others when they are struggling, that if we are still enough we can hear the whisper of Hope.



Hope whispers.

Night surrounds, darkness is deep
Thoughts are racing, no rest or sleep
Peace eludes and waits afar
No tranquility in the reservoir

Yet in the distance, hear the sound
A faint whisper of hope is found
Voice is heard, though soft may be
Speaking words so quietly

Hold on now, hold on tight
Hold on to me throughout this night
Morning's love will bring the light
Hold on now hold on tight

Tears are falling as a torrent
life itself seems abhorrent
famine, sorrow, desolation
where is hope where is salvation

In this darkness black and bleak
No words can adequately speak
About the absence of the light
This impenetrable night

Yet in the distance, ever nearer
Hope is speaking, slightly clearer
Voice is heard with growing clarity
Whispering with familiarity

Hold on now, hold on tight
Hold on to me throughout this night
Morning's love will bring the light
Hold on now hold on tight

Sorrow, laughter like the tide
On the crest of waves they ride
Ebbing flowing each new day
Keeps the heart's response at bay

At gloaming, it will then begin
The battle raging from within
Equanimity lost in night
Searching, grasping for some light

Yet not far off a sound is heard
Desperation is deferred
By the love hope's portraying
In the words it is now saying

Hold on now, hold on tight
Hold on to me throughout this night
Morning's love will bring the light
Hold on now hold on tight

Ever closer hope approaches
Black of night hope encroaches
Dispelling darkness of the night
Beam by beam of love's great light

Bursting through the hopeless hollow
Illuminating the way to follow
The path to love, now in sight
Darkness driven out by light

When darkness comes this way once more
When despair washes up to shore
Hope is never far behind
Whispering words into the mind

Hope's arms surround, hands cup the face
To turn toward the sky of grace
Turn to the One true Light above
Whose voice is whispering with love

Hold on now, hold on tight
Hold on to me throughout this night
Morning's love will bring the light
Hold on now hold on tight

Today

Very recently someone I love very much passed away.  While I rejoice that she is no longer in pain, I miss her terribly.

She was a mom to me.

Years ago she took me into her family and cared for me.  There was never a time when I needed her that she was not there.  She considered me a part of her family and I considered her a part of mine.

In an attempt to grieve her loss, I've written about a few ways she has touched my life.

I love you mama.

Forever and for always.

Today

(written for Mama Paula)

Today I remember the first time we met

The first time I really saw you

The first time I met you as mama, I guess

The first time I experienced your love

You were sitting in a chair waiting for me

Waiting until the prayers were through

Waiting until I dried my face

Waiting to ask me to come home with you

When we came to your home, you held me 

You held me while I cried

You held me while I yelled

You held me even while I slept

The next morning you made me breakfast

You made me malt o meal

You made me coffee and toast

You made me feel welcome and loved

From that day forward things had changed

Changed because you were always there to talk to me

Changed because you were always there to hold me

Changed because you were always there to love me

Today I remember the long nights you stayed awake

Stayed awake to rock me while I cried

Stayed awake to listen to me pour out my heart

Stayed awake to pray

You endured my self destruction and covered me

Covered me with faithfulness

Covered me with hope

Covered me with love

You looked not at me, but through me with your eyes

Your eyes that saw my pain 

Your eyes that saw my longing

Your eyes that saw my potential

You poured out your life into mine

Your hope into my heart

Your faith into my soul

Your love into my whole being

Today I remember all you have been to me

All you have given

All you have taught

All you have told me

Today I remember your faith

Faith to weather any storm

Faith to know God is holding you

Faith to never give up

Today I remember the first day we met 

Today I remember the last time I kissed you goodbye

Today I promise to never forget what you've taught me

Today I promise to keep your love in my heart for ever and for always

Kim Jenne

8/2010

Hello!

Well... as a mommy who is home educating her three children, this is my weak attempt to connect with others who are over the age of 11.  We shall see if I have the stamina to keep up with a blog, but for now, it seems like a good idea.