What you leave behind is not what is engraved in stone monuments, but what is woven into the lives of others.-Pericles
Life seems to come full circle on things. Things that were spoken into our lives take root and slowly grow until they mature into actions and life choices. I am convinced that we are all created for a specific purpose and are part of a plan that goes beyond ourselves. I am convinced that many of us never realize this, because we are too caught up in what we think we are supposed to do and be, what others want us to do and be or maybe what we think is admirable to do and be-at least it's been that way for me. I am convinced we miss out on a greater blessing in our lives when we do this, because God says in His word that the plans He has for us are good and hopeful-Jeremiah 29:11 How much better would it be if we just fell in line with God's plan for us? I am convinced it would be much better. He has never failed me yet, even though I have failed Him.
Throughout every circumstance in my life-many of which are painful, He has always been faithful to provide everything I needed. Sometimes that came through special people he brought into my life, and other times it came through the anguish of having no one at all to understand and relying solely on Him. I am convinced He will use everything that I have been through for His glory and my good. He is a good God, even when things around us are not good. I am convinced there is a purpose in every pain we experience. He wastes nothing.
When I was around 14 years old, my mamaw (my dad's mom) had open heart surgery. She suffered a stroke during the surgery which left her paralyzed on her left side. While she was in the hospital, I would visit her often and help care for her. I would nag ask her if she was doing her exercises and then I'd do them with her. I would put her compression hose on her legs for better circulation. Oh, did I forget to mention that I put it on kinda backward? The hole is for the toes, not the heel-in case you ever have to put one of those things on. I helped feed her. Yea OK, so I accidentally put the sugar packet on her mashed potatoes instead of the salt packet-I was only 14! Gimme a break huh? In spite of all my nagging, ruining her mashed potatoes, forcing her to do her exercises, and failing to put her hose on properly, my mamaw would tell all her doctors and nurses that I was her nurse. In fact, she would also tell everyone how I saved her leg by propping it up for her until the paralysis was gone and she could move her own leg. Yep. I was real miracle worker. (Must've been the way I put on those compression hose!). Even at 14 I knew I had not saved her leg. I also knew I was no nurse by any means-mamaw was a diabetic. Sugar on her mashed potatoes was sort of a bad mistake. Even though it was hard to watch her deteriorate and pass away two years later, something was planted in me in caring for my Mamaw.
A couple of years ago someone I was very close to was dying of Cancer. She was one of the strongest most faithful women I have ever known. She was a mom to me. Helping take care of her as she was dying was hard because I so wanted her to be well. But even in the difficulty came a blessing. To be able to give back to her a little bit of what she had given to me was a beautiful gift I was given. And all throughout her dying days, she watered that seed planted years ago.
Last summer I helped care for my bonus son who was in a terrible accident. It was an awful time for all of us. He was in so much pain that it just broke my heart. He went through so much. But as difficult as it was to watch him suffer, I wouldn't trade one minute of time I spent with him. It was worth every moment when I see him walking and smiling now. Through that time that plant grew a little bit more.
Now I have found myself in a new season of my life-in many areas-one of which happens to have landed me back in a classroom. I have started training to work part time as a nursing assistant. Quite possibly doing the very things I have done to help the ones I love-minus the backward hose and sugar mashed potatoes. My mamaw & my mama P. have left behind so much more than could ever fit on an engraved stone. They have woven a part of God's plan for my life right into my heart.
Sometimes I start to panic-I know, you're shocked. I wonder how this is all going to work out. My primary job is educating my children. Being a mom and homeschooling the children are full time tasks all on their own. How in the world am I going to fit in working a few nights a week? Am I ever going to be able to sleep? Can I really consume MORE coffee than I already drink? Then I breathe and remember that God's plans for my life are good and hopeful. He is going to work out the details. I don't have to figure it all out. I only have to take one step at a time. Right now, the only step I know He's guided me to take is getting through the classes and the state test.
The rest is unclear.
But I suppose that's all part of the faith walk. Trusting. Following. Believing.
"Take the first step in faith. You don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step." -Dr. Martin Luther King
Thanks for reading.
