I remember as a young girl, we had an 8-track tape (yea, I'm that old) of Andrae' Crouch. I was cleaning one day and listening to that tape and the song "Bless His Holy Name" came on. I remember I stopped cleaning and just got lost in the song. I sat in the chair and just soaked in every word and note of the song. Then I played it again. And again. And again. I let it sink in. Then I sang my little heart out. Bless the Lord, Oh my soul and all that is within me bless His Holy name...
I do that kind of thing when I'm letting a song sink into my soul. I play it over and over again (just ask my kids-they find this VERY annoying). Then I sing my heart out (which, I'm sure, my kids also find annoying).
This season of life I'm in now is one of changes. Lots of changes on the outside but many more changes inside of me. It has been a difficult time, because (and if you've read this blog before, you already know this) I do not adjust easily to changes. During this time I have found a "suitable line from a song" almost every day for what I am going through. I wanted to share a couple with you in case any of you are going through a season of difficulty and could benefit from some good soul songs.
Bethany Dillon sings a song called Be Near Me that has really hit home. Some of the lyrics are:
I follow all the rules
Well, at least I'm trying
Hoping when my days are through
You'll be pleased
I've lived the longest days
Thinking my heart was so bad
Too scared to look in your face
Oh, if only I had
And is it alright
If I stay here all night
By the shoreline[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/b/bethany_dillon/be_near_me.html
I cannot believe you are angry or unjust
You've done nothing but have compassion on us
So be near me when I've given up
Be near me
For all of my 38 years, I have been so afraid to look for the face of God. To seek Him and be near to Him seemed too frightening of a thing to even consider. This may seem odd for a girl who was raised in church and saved by grace at the age of 7, but it's true. I served God and loved Him all of my life, but I could not look at Him and know that I was accepted. I could not draw close to Him. I tried my best to follow all the rules hoping I could work hard enough to be loved and yet I too spent most of my days thinking my heart was so bad that I couldn't come closer. I've been so caught up in self-loathing that I had fallen from the grace that saved me in the first place. I am well familiar with the scriptures. I know Ephesians 2:8 by heart, and could recite it at anytime, and yet the meaning of that verse had not yet reached the depths of my soul. I knew I was saved by faith, but how could I be sure of God's approval. How could I be sure He was not angry at me for all my failures and missteps? Surely I have not proven myself worthy to stand before Him. Surely He would never desire to be near me, especially when I had given up.
So very recently, God has begun to show me all the ways He desires to be near us. He loves when we stay all night by the shoreline and are washed over with waves of His love. He looks at us through the finished work of Jesus. He call us accepted in the beloved (Ephesians 1:6) Grace. Grace. and more Grace. Even when my faith is so weak and I am ready to give up, He is ever waiting.
He has only just begun to work this in me, and I still find it a difficult thing to believe in the day to day running of my life. So when I feel lost and I don't understand, I whisper "Be near me when I've given up, Be near me." And He is always there with compassion. He is faithful.
Do not be afraid, friends. He desires a close relationship. Call out to Him, whatever state you are in, and He will accept you just as you are.
There's an old song "Just As I am" and there's is a newer version of it that adds this bridge
I come broken to mended
I come wounded to be healed
I come desperate to be rescued
I come empty to be filled
I come guilty to be pardoned
By the blood of Christ the Lamb
And I'm welcomed with open arms
Praise God, Just as I am.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_gGBMv42dJY
God has used music to touch my heart and soothe my soul throughout my life. Often times, when I'm listening to that song for the 80th time and singing my heart out to the Lord, something changes in my soul. I was talking to a friend recently about my struggle with anxiety and depression and she told me "in your gift of singing is your deliverance". I have thought a lot about those words. God is so gracious to give us everything we need to overcome those things that would take us down. For me it is singing my heart out, sometimes through tears and unbelief, but singing it out anyway that brings the victory.
I still play that song I sang as a child. I still sing those same words He has done great things He has done great things, He has done great things, Bless His Holy Name. And I will bless the Lord, Oh my soul and all that is within me bless His holy name.
I'm gonna get in touch with my 'inner black gospel self' now and bless the Lord with my man Andrae'. LOVE me some Andrae'!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tp-UOjstQ1o
Thanks for reading.
