Happy Birthday Baby.

Today my darling first born girl turns 12.

The last year before those dreaded teen years. 

When I look at her I wonder how it is possible that I've had her for 12 years already.  Yet, at the same time, I hardly remember what my life looked like without her in it.  

Her entry into the world was a rough one.  She was whisked away to the NICU moments after her birth.  I had just one moment to kiss her on the head before  Hubby and I watched our tiny baby being rushed away.  My Darling had come out not breathing.  She had some form of aspiration pneumonia.  They believed she had opened her mouth too soon and inhaled fluid.

 Hubby got a Polaroid instant camera(digital cameras weren't common place yet) and took pictures so I could see our new baby (I had health issues of my own and was not allowed out of bed). She stayed in the NICU with tubes and wires attached to her tiny body for 5 days.  I felt very blessed to be bringing  her home healthy at the end of that fifth day.

I clearly remember those first days at home with her.  I thought I was prepared, but I found that being a mother was looking a bit differently than I had imagined.  After Darling's first bath I was struggling to put an octopus my tiny squirmy baby into her gown.  I sat on the floor crying, because I couldn't do it.  "What kind of a mother am I that I can't even put my baby into a gown?!!  My kid is DOOMED!"  I screamed at myself( I was a bit hormonal).  Right at that moment Hubby's grandma was knocking at my door.  She walked in and saw I had just given Darling a bath.  Anxious to meet her, she scooped Darling up and (completely effortlessly) put the gown on my baby.  Then she smelled her head, and said she just loves the way babies smell.

I have to say, I agree with her.  

My sister called me every day just to check in on me.   She would say things like "It's OK if she cries" and "I don't care WHERE she fell asleep, leave her there.  NEVER wake a sleeping baby!"

Eventually I became quite skilled at putting gowns on my tiny squirmy octopus baby.  We muddled through her first year with little sleep and  many Dr. appts. because she wasn't growing quickly enough for Dr.'s liking.

I got into the mothering groove as the days went on, but things were not calm at our house after we brought Darling home.  She was an active baby, an active toddler,an active preschooler...-you get the point.

 I have learned so much from parenting her.

 I thought I knew how to parent.  I had worked with children at church from age 11.  I had been trained in child development from the age of 16.  I had went to college and studied Family Life for goodness sake!  I was heading into this parenting gig prepared.

Do you ever look back in hindsight at yourself and laugh at your own ignorance?

Yea, I do that a lot.  Especially when I think of parenting.

Darling proved that even the most tried and true behavior techniques were capable of failing.  All the books in all the world could not prepare me to parent this child.

Because of the issues we have faced since Darling entered our lives, I have learned many things.  I have become less judgmental  of other parents and their children.  I have become more understanding of the needs of children whose lives are affected by physical/mental conditions they can not control.  Instead of nodding my head in pious pity at the poor unprepared mother whose child is acting like a maniac in the store, I now think "Praise God my children are at home with Hubby, or that could very well be me right now."

In short, I have learned a great deal, and am still learning more every day.   It's been good.  It's been difficult.  And it's been good again.

When I think of the six years ahead of us before she reaches official "grown-up" status, I can't help but think I'm going to continue learning.  I can't help but wonder how this whole thing will turn out.  How much therapy will my poor Darling need from the multiple times I do the wrong thing?  These (and many others) are the things that roll through my mind.  Things that are not much different- I hope I suppose- than things that go through most parents' minds.

I sit here today watching her make bottle cap necklaces with a kit we bought her for her birthday.  I thought it wasn't that long ago when I bought her games like these.

Now those games are gone to make way for jewelry making kits.  While sometimes I miss playing the Chutes and Ladders game of yesterday with her, I am embracing the Diary of a Wimpy Kid game of today.

Excuse me while I bust into a chorus of "Sunrise, Sunset".  (My sister and I do this often).

 And as I watch my heart grow up beside me, I can't help but feel a bit of sadness for those days past.  At  the same time, I'm excited for the days ahead as she continues to grow into the person God has created her to be.

Proverbs 22:6
Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it.


My prayer is that I will be mindful of her path, and effective in directing her to it.

3 months old

                                                                               now


Happy 12 years my Darling.  I love you more than you will ever know.

Thanks for reading.

Vacation

No man needs a vacation so much as the person who has just had one.-Elbert Hubbard

Trying to find time to write is difficult.  Finding time to write this week-impossible.   

Hubby's been on vacation this past week.  This means that we have been spending our week having some much needed family-focus time and  doing lots of family activities.  We didn't travel too far from home, but we crammed lots of activity into 5 short days. 

Whew, I'm exhausted! and there are still two very full days ahead of me. 

Yesterday we all went to Cedar Point.  Cedar Point is an amazing amusement park filled with a variety of rides, games, and terribly expensive, unhealthy delightful food.  Everyone gets excited about a trip to Cedar Point.  It's a great time, for most people.

I, however, have Panic disorder.  Trips like these often send me into a hyper-ventilating mess of tears and frustration.  I find myself in an irrational state and am unable to think clearly or calm down.  What's worse, I think, is that I know I'm irrational, but am still not able to "snap out of it" so to speak.  Thankfully, I have Mama(my mom in law) to talk me down from the ledge on a regular basis, and really good medication or I'd never go anywhere!  For Those of you who have suffered from anxiety disorders and panic attacks, you know what I'm talking about.  Those of you who have not, be grateful.  They suck.  

So, in preparation for our Cedar Point trip, I made sure I had proper medication and I also called in "the big guns" (i.e. called my Mama to pray-a lot-for our day). 

The day went well, in spite of the fact that we left our lunches at home.  Yup.  All that preparation in making the best lunches ever were for nothing.  I had the best lunches and snacks ready, and several bottles of refreshing water-some of which I froze to keep the rest cold all ready to go.  *sigh*   We realized we left it at home when we pulled into the Cedar Point parking lot and went to grab the bag.  It was then I realized that I was going to have to take out a second mortgage on our home to pay for buy all of our food at Cedar Point for the day.  OUCH!  Oh well.  Hubby's response was "well, at least we remembered all the kids."  Yea, he's got a way of looking at the bright side.  :)

It was still a great day!   I was only anxious a few hundred times, but the anxiety I did have was mild in comparison to most days.  That, ladies and gentlemen, is what I call a successful trip!  Hubby and the children and I had a wonderful day together, laughing and screaming and laughing some more.   Hubby's sister and niece hung out with us as well, which really added to the fun. 

It really was a good day.

Hubby's niece purchased her dream souvenir-a large cup in the shape of Snoopy.  My sis-in-law enjoyed some frozen custard(a favorite treat of hers).  My oldest Darling went on her first "big" coaster with her daddy.  My sweet pea went on a few smaller coaster rides, and my last little guy rode his first "kiddie" coaster.  Hubby got his chocolate covered frozen banana and I got a key chain with my last little guy and I on a roller coaster. 

I'm thankful for the prayers, because God really was gracious to our family yesterday.  And in my weakness of anxiety and panic, His strength in me was strong. 

In the grand scope of life, having a panic free day at Cedar Point isn't by far the most important thing perhaps.  But having a panic free day at Cedar Point to make happy memories with my family is important to me.  God showing His grace and help to me in such a seemingly small thing shows me that He cares about those things that concern me, even if they are not mountain moving, earth shaking things. 

So friends, I hope that you also will seek God in everything you do.  Not only praying for the "big things" or "grand ideas", not only watching for His hand in the larger scale activities of your life, but in everything.  For sometimes it is those little moments, where you smile when you would otherwise be afraid, that you find God really is ever present with His children.

Thanks for reading.

sigh of relief

I just got off the phone with Auntie V, and she's doing much better.  It looks like there are no blockages in her arteries.  They did several tests and determined that the intense pain was caused by a reaction between the steriods she's taking (for treatment of meniere's disease) and her pacemaker (which she's named Randolph).  She heads off to the DR. today for follow up. 

I am breathing a giant sigh of relief this morning, and thanking God for an answer to prayer.

Thanks to all of you who prayed. 


Psalm 26:7

Today I am making my voice of thanksgiving heard and telling of His wondrous works.
God is good. All the time

Auntie V

It's funny how things happen sometimes.

Earlier today I was thinking about (finally) getting back to the blog.  I had some things swirling around in my head.  I had decided to write about my Auntie V.  I found a plaque that she had given me when I was a little girl, and I brought it downstairs and took a picture of it to share with you all.

She will be 80 years old in December, but you'd never know it.  She's as feisty as a 40 year old, and as zany as a gypsy.  She lives in southwest KY in a little town. 

We have plans to drive down for a visit in October. 

My mom called me about an hour ago and told me that Auntie V  had a heart attack today and is in the hospital.  We don't know any more than that.  This isn't her first one.  She had open heart surgery a number of years ago, and she had a heart attack a few months ago.  She had a pacemaker put in at that time. 
I had called her on Saturday to wish her a Happy Mother's Day, and when I talked to her, she told me she wasn't feeling well.  I didn't realize how sick she really was.  I guess she didn't either.

I'm going to go ahead and write what I had swirling around in my head earlier today-before I knew Auntie V had another heart attack.  But I do have to say, it sure is strange how things happen sometimes.

I have the best Aunt ever. 

She is my buddy.  My life-long pal.  My zany-laugh at the strangest times-eat frozen yogurt with-get lost EVERY TIME we'd go anywhere together-animal loving Auntie.   Anyone who has ever spent any time with her would agree she's a one-of-a-kind.

The children in her Sunday School class(yes, she still teaches Sunday School) introduce her as "weird" or "crazy".  That's why they love her so much.  She will say "I love weird and I love crazy, but I love weird more than crazy."  She's a quirky one.

She always had time for me.

  Growing up, she and I were together a lot.  I would go over to her house on Sunday afternoons and play with all of her knick-knack animals.

I often refer to her as the Queen of Knick-knacks.  She has a ridiculous amount of them.

She has two grandchildren around my age, and we would often spend the night at her house together.  She would take us shopping at Woolworth.  My parents always gave me a few dollars to buy something and Auntie V would say,
 "Why don't you let me hold that money for you so you don't lose it."
"I won't lose it." I would reply.

Yeah, I lost it.  Several times.  She'd still buy me a little something anyway.

At night, all of us kids would be on the floor in our sleeping bags and she would tell us scary stories.  She'd make sure to tell our favorite one too.  And we would jump every time at the end, even though we knew what was coming. 

I stayed with her a lot growing up.  We would eat frozen yogurt for breakfast.  And lunch.  And dinner. 

She taught me the joy of helping others.
She would take me with her to the nursing home to minister to people there.  She brought me along to help her clean for a sick friend.  She taught me how to serve others in the kitchen at church and down in the Baptist Center kitchen in Detroit. 

She taught me how to look past the outside appearance of others, and not to judge.  Instead, she would say, love them, and look past all that and look into their heart.   

She was not afraid to knock me down a peg or two if I started to get "too big for my britches".  In other words, no prideful attitudes allowed.  Stay humble before the Lord and He will lift you up, she would say. 

She didn't treat me like a child.  She treated me like a person.  She let me just be who I was-and I was a strange child-without judgement.  She just let me be.

She taught me the value of a sense of humor.  Even in the most tragic, heartbreaking situations, she and I could always find a way to laugh.

Laughter is good medicine.

Most importantly, she taught me to love.  Love God.  Love others.  Above all other things, love.  Love from your heart, even if you are not loved in return.  Love.

I am so grateful for the things she has taught me.  I am grateful for the way she taught me as well.  She was never condescending-as though she was so wise and I was so small.  Never.  We were both people who were walking out this life with the Lord and we could learn from each other.  She never lectured.  She didn't have to.  I heard her message by her actions.

That's the beauty of being an Auntie, you can be a pal instead of a parent.

We've stayed buddies for all these years.  We still talk(and talk and talk...) on the phone regularly and I just soak up every last minute I can get.  We still laugh at the silliest things, and she still brings joy to my heart. 

I think Aunties are a special kind of thing.  As an Auntie, you get the chance to love and play and have fun and give frozen yogurt treats for breakfast.  Lunch.  And Dinner.  You can tell things to your Auntie that maybe you can't tell anyone else.  She can be your pal while teaching you things you aren't even aware that your learning. 

It wasn't until years later that I realized all the things I had learned from my Auntie V.

She gave me this plaque when I was a kid, because she said the little girl looked just like I did, and she loved the little poem.

It says:
God made little girls...
to laugh and dance and sing
with laughing eyes and bouncing curls,
with joyful hearts and infectious smile,
enchanting ways and feminine wiles.
For the world, when seen thru a little girl's eyes
greatly resembles paradise.

Whether you are an Auntie, or a friend who is like an Auntie, never forget the impact your kindness will have on a child.  Remember that they will watch and listen and learn from you. 

Teach them to love.  It makes all the difference.

Thanks for reading.