Happy Birthday Baby.

Today my darling first born girl turns 12.

The last year before those dreaded teen years. 

When I look at her I wonder how it is possible that I've had her for 12 years already.  Yet, at the same time, I hardly remember what my life looked like without her in it.  

Her entry into the world was a rough one.  She was whisked away to the NICU moments after her birth.  I had just one moment to kiss her on the head before  Hubby and I watched our tiny baby being rushed away.  My Darling had come out not breathing.  She had some form of aspiration pneumonia.  They believed she had opened her mouth too soon and inhaled fluid.

 Hubby got a Polaroid instant camera(digital cameras weren't common place yet) and took pictures so I could see our new baby (I had health issues of my own and was not allowed out of bed). She stayed in the NICU with tubes and wires attached to her tiny body for 5 days.  I felt very blessed to be bringing  her home healthy at the end of that fifth day.

I clearly remember those first days at home with her.  I thought I was prepared, but I found that being a mother was looking a bit differently than I had imagined.  After Darling's first bath I was struggling to put an octopus my tiny squirmy baby into her gown.  I sat on the floor crying, because I couldn't do it.  "What kind of a mother am I that I can't even put my baby into a gown?!!  My kid is DOOMED!"  I screamed at myself( I was a bit hormonal).  Right at that moment Hubby's grandma was knocking at my door.  She walked in and saw I had just given Darling a bath.  Anxious to meet her, she scooped Darling up and (completely effortlessly) put the gown on my baby.  Then she smelled her head, and said she just loves the way babies smell.

I have to say, I agree with her.  

My sister called me every day just to check in on me.   She would say things like "It's OK if she cries" and "I don't care WHERE she fell asleep, leave her there.  NEVER wake a sleeping baby!"

Eventually I became quite skilled at putting gowns on my tiny squirmy octopus baby.  We muddled through her first year with little sleep and  many Dr. appts. because she wasn't growing quickly enough for Dr.'s liking.

I got into the mothering groove as the days went on, but things were not calm at our house after we brought Darling home.  She was an active baby, an active toddler,an active preschooler...-you get the point.

 I have learned so much from parenting her.

 I thought I knew how to parent.  I had worked with children at church from age 11.  I had been trained in child development from the age of 16.  I had went to college and studied Family Life for goodness sake!  I was heading into this parenting gig prepared.

Do you ever look back in hindsight at yourself and laugh at your own ignorance?

Yea, I do that a lot.  Especially when I think of parenting.

Darling proved that even the most tried and true behavior techniques were capable of failing.  All the books in all the world could not prepare me to parent this child.

Because of the issues we have faced since Darling entered our lives, I have learned many things.  I have become less judgmental  of other parents and their children.  I have become more understanding of the needs of children whose lives are affected by physical/mental conditions they can not control.  Instead of nodding my head in pious pity at the poor unprepared mother whose child is acting like a maniac in the store, I now think "Praise God my children are at home with Hubby, or that could very well be me right now."

In short, I have learned a great deal, and am still learning more every day.   It's been good.  It's been difficult.  And it's been good again.

When I think of the six years ahead of us before she reaches official "grown-up" status, I can't help but think I'm going to continue learning.  I can't help but wonder how this whole thing will turn out.  How much therapy will my poor Darling need from the multiple times I do the wrong thing?  These (and many others) are the things that roll through my mind.  Things that are not much different- I hope I suppose- than things that go through most parents' minds.

I sit here today watching her make bottle cap necklaces with a kit we bought her for her birthday.  I thought it wasn't that long ago when I bought her games like these.

Now those games are gone to make way for jewelry making kits.  While sometimes I miss playing the Chutes and Ladders game of yesterday with her, I am embracing the Diary of a Wimpy Kid game of today.

Excuse me while I bust into a chorus of "Sunrise, Sunset".  (My sister and I do this often).

 And as I watch my heart grow up beside me, I can't help but feel a bit of sadness for those days past.  At  the same time, I'm excited for the days ahead as she continues to grow into the person God has created her to be.

Proverbs 22:6
Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it.


My prayer is that I will be mindful of her path, and effective in directing her to it.

3 months old

                                                                               now


Happy 12 years my Darling.  I love you more than you will ever know.

Thanks for reading.