Night Minds

Psalm 61:1-2

1 Hear my cry, O God;
Attend to my prayer.
2 From the end of the earth I will cry to You,
When my heart is overwhelmed;
Lead me to the rock that is higher than I.


Greeting friends.

Long time no blog.  I have been feeling a little out of touch lately.

Since my last post, I've had so many things to write about swirling around in my head, but I have not been able to put myself in front of the keyboard.

 I'm just gonna tell you the truth.

 I am in a funk.

 An intense state of complete defeat. 

Overwhelmed with the simplest of tasks and caught in a cycle of anxiety which leads to my current depressed state.  I find little enjoyment in anything except for the tantalizing thought of crawling in my bed and hiding under my blankie.  

I can't seem to do anything right.  I have the opposite of the Midas touch.  Everything I touch turns to... well- NOT gold.  Let's leave it at that. 

This happens sometimes.  Probably more times than I like to admit.  It's not always circumstantial, it is just darkness that covers everything.  So things can be going along fine and there it is.  It just happens that way. 

Sorry to be such a drag, but one thing I want this blog to portray is the reality of my life.  I don't want to pretend to be a person that I'm not.  I had something else in mind to write about when I sat down tonight, but it wouldn't have been honest writing.  It would have portrayed feelings that I just don't have right now.  

Just keepin' it real here folks.

 In doing so, my hope is that someone may stumble onto this blog who may have some of these same feelings and know they are not alone.  That they are not less than just because they feel so exhausted by their own racing thoughts and varying emotions. That the intense darkness that covers any trace of light, will pass over.  There is hope.

We just have to hold on to the rock that is higher than we are. 

I have a great support system.  It really helps that my Mama(MIL) is a therapist, and someone I can run to when I need a lap to cry on.  I couldn't have asked for people who are more kind and caring than the ones I have in my life.  But I kinda have a habit of being a bit of a turtle.  I crawl inside my shell and hide.  I feel like it's safer, but really it's just darker in there.

A lifeline is only helpful if you grab onto it.

So if any of you out there are like me, take your hand and pop it out of your shell and grab a hold of someone you trust and who loves you.  I know it's hard to reach out, but sometimes we need  help to get through those dark times.  Hopefully , that person will also point you to Jesus, because His intense love shines light into the darkness and floods our hearts with hope.

 He is our lifeline.  Don't sink into the darkness.

And yes, I will try to take my own advice. 

When I first heard this song it reminded me how many people out there suffer from this kind of dark thinking.  This song called Night Minds reminded me that we all need each other.  God created us for relationships, with Himself and with each other.   While there are many times when I need someone to go through the fight with me, my prayer is that I will be able to help others in their fight as well.

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For now, I'm going to finish off that Hershey with almonds bar I have in my freezer. 

Thanks for reading.