remembering you

Today my heart is full of sadness and gratefulness; crying and smiling; sorrow and joy.  It's a paradox of feelings that I have today as I remember  the woman I said "goodbye" to one year ago.

The sadness of missing her talks with me, the gratefullness for having had her in my life, crying as I remember her last days on earth, smiling as I remember time spent with her, sorrow for the void left in my heart, joy for the hope of seeing her again one day-these are the thoughts and emotions running through my head and heart today.

She was a remarkable woman, and I miss her everyday.  There is a big selfish part of me that wants her here with me, so that I could crawl on the couch next to her and tell her everything going on in my life; so I could  here her laugh; and so I could just be with her.   But while I grieve the loss of her in my life, I also rejoice knowing that she is well, fully healed, singing and dancing and spending each moment in the perfect presence of her Savior.  I take comfort in the finished work of the cross, knowing that Jesus died to make a way to reconcile man to Father God.  Because of that work, I am assured of her eternal destiny, and mine.  Because of that work and our decision to accept that gift and make Jesus our Lord and Savior, I am assured that one day I will see her again. 

So today, while I still feel that ache in my heart and while I miss her being a part of my life, I am not without hope.

I Thessalonians 4:
¹³ And now, dear brothers and sisters, we want you to know what will happen to the believers who have died^[f] so you will not grieve like people who have no hope.

2 Corinthians 5:8
⁸ we are of good courage, I say, and  prefer rather to be absent from the body and to be at home with the Lord.

I will take comfort in these verses and in the knowledge that to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord, as I remember where I was one year ago today-saying my last goodbye. 

I will remember the way she ministered to so many people-even in her sickness and pain she reached out to others in need.

I will remember  the example of faithfulness and ministering to others that her life demonstrated, and I will do my best to follow that example throughout my life.

I love you Mama Paula.  Forever and for always.


Remembering you.

I'm just sittin' here remembering your smile
The way we would sit and talk for awhile
Your fun sense of humor and keen sense of style
Right now I'm just sittin' here remembering you

I'm just sittin' here remembering the way
You'd wake up each morning and take time to pray
Asking for grace to go through your day
Right now I'm just sittin' here remembering you

I'm sittin' here remembering the lessons you taught
The love words you whispered when I was distraught
The wisdom and grace your words often brought
Right now I'm just sittin' here remembering you

 I'm just sitting here remembering the day
I told you goodbye that was all I could say
I kissed your sweet face before I walked away
Right now I'm just sittin' here remembering you

I'm just sittin' here feeling so blessed
To have experieced the love of the Father expressed
In the love you gave freely I remember it best
Right now I'm just sittin' here remembering you

I'm just sitting here thinking of when
The glorious day comes and I'll see you again
Then my heart leaps for joy from the pit where it's been
Right now I'm just sittin' here thinking of you

I'm just sittin' here knowing you're healed
Dancing and singing no longer concealed
You now see God's glory fully revealed
Right now I'm just sittin' here thinking of you

Thanks for reading.