Seed planting and faith walking

What you leave behind is not what is engraved in stone monuments, but what is woven into the lives of others.-Pericles

Life seems to come full circle on things.  Things that were spoken into our lives take root and slowly grow until they mature into actions and life choices.   I am convinced that we are all created for a specific purpose and are part of a plan that goes beyond ourselves.  I am convinced that many of us never realize this, because we are too caught up in what we think we are supposed to do and be, what others want us to do and be or maybe what we think is admirable to do and be-at least it's been that way for me.  I am convinced we miss out on a greater blessing in our lives when we do this, because God says in His word that the plans He has for us are good and hopeful-Jeremiah 29:11  How much better would it be if we just fell in line with God's plan for us?  I am convinced it would be much better.  He has never failed me yet, even though I have failed Him.

Throughout every circumstance in my life-many of which are painful, He has always been faithful to provide everything I needed.  Sometimes that came through special people he brought into my life, and other times it came through the anguish of having no one at all to understand and relying solely on Him.  I am convinced He will use everything that I have been through for His glory and my good.  He is a good God, even when things around us are not good.   I am convinced there is a purpose in every pain we experience.  He wastes nothing.

When I was around 14 years old, my mamaw (my dad's mom) had open heart surgery.  She suffered a stroke during the surgery which left her paralyzed on her left side.  While she was in the hospital, I would visit her often and help care for her.  I would nag ask her if she was doing her exercises and then I'd do them with her.  I would put her compression hose on her legs for better circulation.  Oh, did I forget to mention that I put it on kinda backward?  The hole is for the toes, not the heel-in case you ever have to put one of those things on.   I helped feed her.  Yea OK, so I accidentally put the sugar packet on her mashed potatoes instead of the salt packet-I was only 14!  Gimme a break huh?   In spite of all my nagging, ruining her mashed potatoes, forcing her to do her exercises, and failing to put her hose on properly, my mamaw would tell all her doctors and nurses that I was her nurse.  In fact, she would also tell everyone how I saved her leg by propping it up for her until the paralysis was gone and she could move her own leg.    Yep.  I was real miracle worker.  (Must've been the way I put on those compression hose!).    Even at 14 I knew I had not saved her leg.  I also knew I was no nurse by any means-mamaw was a diabetic.  Sugar on her mashed potatoes was sort of a  bad mistake.    Even though it was hard to watch her deteriorate and pass away two years later, something was planted in me in caring for my Mamaw.  

A couple of years ago someone I was very close to was dying of Cancer.  She was one of the strongest most faithful women I have ever known.  She was a mom to me.   Helping take care of her as she was dying was hard because I so wanted her to be well.  But even in the difficulty came a blessing.  To be able to give back to her a little bit of what she had given to me was a beautiful gift I was given.  And all throughout her dying days, she watered that seed planted years ago.

Last summer I helped care for my bonus son who was in a terrible accident.  It was an awful time for all of us.  He was in so much pain that it just broke my heart.   He went through so much.   But as difficult as it was to watch him suffer, I wouldn't trade one minute of time I spent with him.  It was worth every moment when I see him walking and smiling now.  Through that time that plant grew a little bit more.

Now I have found myself in a new season of my life-in many areas-one of which happens to have landed me back in a classroom.   I have started training to work part time as a nursing assistant.  Quite possibly doing the very things I have done to help the ones I love-minus the backward hose and sugar mashed potatoes.    My mamaw & my mama P.  have left behind so much more than could ever fit on an engraved stone.  They have woven a part of God's plan for my life right into my heart.

Sometimes I start to panic-I know, you're shocked.  I wonder how this is all going to work out.  My primary job is educating my children.  Being a mom and homeschooling the children are full time tasks all on their own.  How in the world am I going to fit in working a few nights a week?  Am I ever going to be able to sleep?  Can I really consume MORE coffee than I already drink?  Then I breathe and remember that God's plans for my life are good and hopeful.  He is going to work out the details.  I don't have to figure it all out.  I only have to take one step at a time.  Right now, the only step I know He's guided me to take is getting through the classes and the state test.  

The rest is unclear.   

But I suppose that's all part of the faith walk.  Trusting.  Following.  Believing.

"Take the first step in faith. You don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step." -Dr. Martin Luther King

Thanks for reading.

Homeschooling Humor

Homeschooling.  It is more than a movement for some of us.  It is a way of life.  I've heard and read LOTS of arguments on the issue of homeschooling.  Some say it is so much better for the child.  Some say it is so much worse for the child.  I have had conversations with people on both ends of the argument, but I have found that most position themselves somewhere in the middle of things.

I'm not one to waste a lot of my time and energy arguing with people.  If you choose to believe that teaching your own children is wrong, I will not try to convince you otherwise. Nor will I adhere to the belief that ALL children should be home educated.  It is not a choice that will work out favorably for everyone. 

What I WILL say is that homeschooling is our way of life.    I do believe that it is the best choice for our family, and so that is what we do.

I approach homeschooling the children much like I approach the rest of my life, with a good amount of fear, a whole lot of prayer, and a sense of humor.  It is a difficult journey sometimes.  Talk to most homeschooling moms and they will tell you it is not easy.  But most will also tell you they wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.

Years ago my sister gave me a book by Todd Wilson called Lies Homeschooling Moms Believe.  Anyone reading this blog who needs some encouragement, I highly recommend this book.  Todd Wilson also wrote 4 volumes of The Official Book of Homeschooling Cartoons  that I flip through often when I need a laugh. 

I wanted to share some of those cartoons with you all.  If you are homeschooling your children, chances are you will relate to some of these.  If you are not, you will get a small peek into a world that is different than your own.  In any case I hope these bring a smile to your face.

Oh boy!  I sound like this lady sometimes.

Just last week my son sat at the pediatrician's office and when the Dr. asked what he was learning in school this year he replied "Oh nothing really".  Yup.  It was a proud moment.

One day you may pick up the phone to call me and I will not answer because I will be just like the woman on this page.

Yea, we have these kind of  "school uniforms" too.  It cuts down on laundry that I don't have time to do.

Yes, poor hubby has come home from a hard day at work to a scene similar to this one.

  I'm afraid this is really what's going on in the heads of my children while I drone on and on.  

While it may take me an hour to explain what an adjective is and I just may exhaust myself explaining fractions  while my child contemplates the size of my nose.  I wouldn't want it any other way.  There is a peace in the chaos of everyday life when I am living it out the way God has planned for our family.   Hubby may come home to the occasional frozen supper.  He may  find us still in our jammies while he trips over the array of school books  and world maps sprinkled all over the living room floor.  On those days, he just says "OK kids, looks like we are ordering pizza tonight." 

It is an organized chaos, but we are all together in it.  Learning together.  Growing together.  I'm so grateful that God has given me this opportunity.  Though the task is not easy, it is worth it.   His strength is made perfect in our weakness, and there are LOTS of opportunities in our school day for His strength to shine through.  

On those tough days, I remind myself how fast the years are moving; that they are only children once in their lifetime; and that one day they will be gone and I won't have to explain long division EVER AGAIN-insert a great big HALLELUJAH here.  Those reminders get me through the tough days.  

And I treasure the good days.  The days when I don't allow the stress get to me and I can just enjoy listening to my son read to me and laugh at the story he is reading.  

Even the dog joins in sometimes(though he doesn't look very interested).

It's an adventure, and I have the greatest crew in the world going along with me.

Thanks for reading.

*all cartoons were by Todd Wilson and you can check out his website at familymanweb.com

You bring me Joy

This is it.

Tonight is my Sweet Pea's last night of being a single digit girl.  Tomorrow she will be 10.

Wow.  10 years have gone by already.  Seems strange, when I look at her,  to think that she is the same sweet baby I brought home 10 years ago.  Then I look right at her face, and it doesn't seem strange at all.

Of my three, she is by far the most laid back.  As an infant, she slept on her own right away-unlike her siblings.  She woke up happy and singing to herself as a toddler.  She played often by herself quietly.  She was so quiet in the car that I often checked and re-checked to make sure I hadn't left her behind.

She isn't always quiet now though.  When she gets the giggles look out.  She laughs uncontrollably with no reserve.  While it is sometimes madly inappropriate, there's something about watching her laugh that makes me smile.

 She is often in her own world-much like I was at her age.  There's that saying, you know, the one that talks about marching to the beat of a different drummer.  Yea, well my Sweet Pea doesn't march at all.  She dances to the sound of a flute or something.

When my children were babies, I would often sing to them.  With each child came a special song, one that I would sing over and over to them in particular.  Sweet Pea's song is You Bring Me Joy by Anita Baker.  That is the song I would sing to her over and over, and it is still the song in my heart when I think about her.  Her gentle spirit, her giggles, her dance through life, these all bring joy to my heart.

You bring me joy, when I'm down oh, so much joy
When I lose my way your love comes smiling on me
I saw your face and then I knew we would be friends
I was so afraid, but your arms they said come to me


Being a parent has been one terrific, yet horribly frightening ride for me.  A ride that has left me, on more than one occasion, begging the operator to let me off of NOW!  But it is also one that has brought with it so much joy, and much of that joy is found in the gentle, giggling, dancing girl I call Sweet Pea.

                                           My sweet pea at 2 months

                                           My Sweet Pea with her dog on her last day of being 9

Happy Birthday Sweet Pea.  I love you.  You bring me joy.

Fall

Fall is my favorite time of year.   It's always been my favorite.  Even as a young child it surpassed summer in my heart.

Auntie V used to take her grandchildren and me to a fall festival every year to pick out a pumpkin and eat junk food and ride the very unsafe carnival rides they had set up at the festival.   It was something I looked forward to every year.  My 2nd cousins (her grandchildren-one girl close to my age and her brother a bit younger) were some of my favorite people to hang out with, and we always had a blast when we were together.   Life has a way of getting so busy that I don't keep in touch with my cousins often, but they still hold a very special place in my heart and memories.

Auntie V is a big part of why I love fall.  She loves fall too and decorated her house in "fallish" decorations to the max!  She shared her love for fall much like she shared the rest of her life.  She made it fun and warm and inviting by living in each moment and pointing out every good gift from our Creator.

I'm going to do the same.  I'm going to share some things I love about fall with my friends.

Fall is for school time


Fall is for beautiful colors

Fall is for the banded woolly bear caterpillar emerging from the egg and scooting along to find a home to wait out the winter months.

Fall is for pumpkin carving

And toasting pumpkin seeds

Fall is for picking apples

And making apple pie

Fall is for snuggling to stay warm while watching flag football on a Saturday morning

 Fall is for remembering that though  things must die, death is not the end of things-but instead a transformation. 
There are some things in my heart and life that need to die and blow away like the leaves on the trees.  I feel as though the Lord is stripping my heart  to expose those areas and prepare them for transformation.  I look prettier covered in leaves, for sure, but exposure is good and necessary. It  reminds me that I am in desperate need of  His love and His life.  He has to strip away my intense resistance to change, and as he prepares my heart for new things, I wait.

Much like my friend the banded woolly bear caterpillar who comes in the fall, eats and finds a place to wait out the winter, I too am "eating" and finding my place in Jesus to rest as I wait for transformation.   Because come spring, Woolly Bear will awake from his sleep, eat some more and spin his cocoon and in the Creator's timing, Woolly Bear will be transformed into the Isabella Tiger Moth.

A total transformation.

He makes all things new.

Happy Fall friends.

Juggling

Well, our family has had quite the week so far.  My bonus son was in a terrible boating accident Sunday evening and could have drowned. He also could have died from his injuries.  He also could have lost one of his legs. 

But God.  :)

He is doing remarkably well, due to the continuous prayers of so many who love and respect him, and the healing power of God.

Hubby and I have been learning the hospital motto-which I've determined is "Come on in, take off your coat and WAIT awhile."  Nothing is done in a hurry around there for sure, but I am grateful he is getting excellent care.  It's a good hospital and he's had great nurses.  God has been so good to him. 

Still, it's hard to see someone you love in pain, and I just wish he didn't have to go through this. 
He's a great kid (22 this month). I just can't say enough good things about him. He's so gracious and thankful to the nurses who are taking care of him- they all love him. He's a sweetie, that's for sure.


As I was driving home tonight from the hospital, with my bonus son on my mind, my heart was just so heavy.  So I tried to switch my focus and figure out what I needed to do when I got home. 

Feed dog. 

get clothes ready for kids. 

make calls to make arrangements for kids to go tomorrow to  friend's house..

make sure hubby has clothes to wear(when was the last time I did laundry???)

Did hubby eat any dinner?

Did I eat any dinner?

and and and...

This week I've been juggling like no other

Kinda like this:

Only the closer I got to home,  I started to feel a little more like this

So, juggling may not be my forte I decided, but it's OK, because just as pulled into town I heard this on the radio:

"When I call on Jesus, all things are possible
I can mount on wings like eagles and soar
When I call on Jesus, mountains are gonna fall
Cuz He'll move heaven and earth to come rescue me when I call"

As if saving my bonus son and protecting him from infection wasn't enough, God is also picking up all those things I keep dropping while trying to juggle them on my own.  He's so awesome like that.  He is the supreme multi-tasker. 

I looked at the seat next to me where my bag of coffee sat.  My mama  had picked it up at the store for me, because I was out.  Anyone who knows me knows this:  I can NOT be out of coffee.  Plus she got me my favorite kind.  :)

When I got home,  there was food on the counter and in my fridge that my dear friend had brought over. 

My children then told me all about the fun day they had with their friends.  My bestie had taken them for the day along with her own 3 kids and driven them to gymnastics, then to dinner and ice cream and the park.  They also learned the art of pumping their arms up and down at semi truck drivers to get them to honk their horn.  I was told 8 of the truck drivers obliged. 

As I thought about all these things I had "dropped"  I began to realize that before they even hit the floor, God had scooped them up and taken care of them. 

As the days move forward, I will try to remember that I need not try to juggle on my own.  I need to call on Jesus, because He's got this.

Whatever any of you  are struggling to juggle, join me in remembering we weren't meant to walk out this life alone.  Don't worry if your items begin to fall, Call on Jesus only then is anything possible.

Thanks for reading.

Vacation

No man needs a vacation so much as the person who has just had one.-Elbert Hubbard

Trying to find time to write is difficult.  Finding time to write this week-impossible.   

Hubby's been on vacation this past week.  This means that we have been spending our week having some much needed family-focus time and  doing lots of family activities.  We didn't travel too far from home, but we crammed lots of activity into 5 short days. 

Whew, I'm exhausted! and there are still two very full days ahead of me. 

Yesterday we all went to Cedar Point.  Cedar Point is an amazing amusement park filled with a variety of rides, games, and terribly expensive, unhealthy delightful food.  Everyone gets excited about a trip to Cedar Point.  It's a great time, for most people.

I, however, have Panic disorder.  Trips like these often send me into a hyper-ventilating mess of tears and frustration.  I find myself in an irrational state and am unable to think clearly or calm down.  What's worse, I think, is that I know I'm irrational, but am still not able to "snap out of it" so to speak.  Thankfully, I have Mama(my mom in law) to talk me down from the ledge on a regular basis, and really good medication or I'd never go anywhere!  For Those of you who have suffered from anxiety disorders and panic attacks, you know what I'm talking about.  Those of you who have not, be grateful.  They suck.  

So, in preparation for our Cedar Point trip, I made sure I had proper medication and I also called in "the big guns" (i.e. called my Mama to pray-a lot-for our day). 

The day went well, in spite of the fact that we left our lunches at home.  Yup.  All that preparation in making the best lunches ever were for nothing.  I had the best lunches and snacks ready, and several bottles of refreshing water-some of which I froze to keep the rest cold all ready to go.  *sigh*   We realized we left it at home when we pulled into the Cedar Point parking lot and went to grab the bag.  It was then I realized that I was going to have to take out a second mortgage on our home to pay for buy all of our food at Cedar Point for the day.  OUCH!  Oh well.  Hubby's response was "well, at least we remembered all the kids."  Yea, he's got a way of looking at the bright side.  :)

It was still a great day!   I was only anxious a few hundred times, but the anxiety I did have was mild in comparison to most days.  That, ladies and gentlemen, is what I call a successful trip!  Hubby and the children and I had a wonderful day together, laughing and screaming and laughing some more.   Hubby's sister and niece hung out with us as well, which really added to the fun. 

It really was a good day.

Hubby's niece purchased her dream souvenir-a large cup in the shape of Snoopy.  My sis-in-law enjoyed some frozen custard(a favorite treat of hers).  My oldest Darling went on her first "big" coaster with her daddy.  My sweet pea went on a few smaller coaster rides, and my last little guy rode his first "kiddie" coaster.  Hubby got his chocolate covered frozen banana and I got a key chain with my last little guy and I on a roller coaster. 

I'm thankful for the prayers, because God really was gracious to our family yesterday.  And in my weakness of anxiety and panic, His strength in me was strong. 

In the grand scope of life, having a panic free day at Cedar Point isn't by far the most important thing perhaps.  But having a panic free day at Cedar Point to make happy memories with my family is important to me.  God showing His grace and help to me in such a seemingly small thing shows me that He cares about those things that concern me, even if they are not mountain moving, earth shaking things. 

So friends, I hope that you also will seek God in everything you do.  Not only praying for the "big things" or "grand ideas", not only watching for His hand in the larger scale activities of your life, but in everything.  For sometimes it is those little moments, where you smile when you would otherwise be afraid, that you find God really is ever present with His children.

Thanks for reading.

Cover me up please

Blankies.  I love ‘em.  I was not a “Linus” when I was a kid.  I didn’t have a special blankie to carry around with me.  But now as an adult if I could get away with it… 

OK.  Maybe I wouldn’t, but Blankies always make me feel cozy-inside and out.  If I’m feeling a bit vulnerable or sad, I cuddle up in a blankie and I feel safe and secure. 

Recently I came across and old quilt of mine.  It is so tattered and torn up.   It brought back so many memories when I found it. 

In my family, my father’s mother was called  MAMAW.  My Mamaw was a very special person in my life.  She was 69 years old when I was born, but growing up I never knew she was “old”.  She was poor in finances, but rich in love.  I would stay with her for weeks in the summertime, and we would talk and talk and talk and... well, you get the picture.

We were not close because she spent money on me, or took me places.  She actually had a heart condition that limited our activity together.  We were close because she was available to me.  Always present.  Always listening to what I had to say, and never too busy to have me over so we could spend time together.  She was my buddy.  

She died when I was 16, and I was devastated.  I still miss her.    But I have something from her that allows me to feel close to her and the relationship we shared.

When I was 10 years old, my mamaw made me a quilt.  Like I’ve mentioned, she did not have much money, but she took the extra materials she had and pieced together a full size quilt for my 10^th birthday.  She also made a small one for my doll.

This was such a special gift, because my mamaw had arthritis in her hands.  It was a  tie quilt, so after she put all the squares together, she tied all the little knots throughout the blanket.  I knew it must have taken her many hours to make, and how difficult it must have been for her hands.

 The reason that quilt today is so tattered and torn up isn’t so much that it’s 27 years old, but because it was my  “blankie” for years.   

After she passed away, I would snuggle up in that quilt to feel close to her.  It made me feel as warm and secure as she always made me feel. 

My mother’s mother we called Grandma.  My grandma was a quiet woman who showed love to her family in a very different way than my mamaw did.  My grandma would bake pies and treats for us kids every time we would go to visit her.  I was not as close to her, because she was not as open with her life.  I knew she loved me, and I loved her as well,  but our relationship was not close. 

One thing that my grandma did to show her love for every member of her family was to crochet afghans.  When any family member got married, she made them an afghan.  When any family member had a baby, she made that new baby an afghan.   

As an adult, I have come to understand that by making treats and blankies for her family, my grandma was telling us what she didn’t feel like she could say with words.  She was telling us that we were important to her;  that she valued us; that she loved us.

That was her way.  

Now when I grab the afghan off the rack to cuddle up with and read, I remember her gift.  I also remember that sometimes love is given in ways that are not always the way we may give love, but it's love given all the same.

This past Christmas I got a gift from my Mama(also known as my mother in law).    

This woman knows me inside, outside and upside-downside.  She has covered me in love through some pretty awful times in my life.  She is a true treasure.  

  Every week she has our family along with my sister in law’s family over for dinner.  Most every week, at some point after dinner, you will find many of us crashed out on Mama’s bed watching Sponge Bob or Chopped (two of the family’s favorites).

 Every week  prior to Christmas I had been commenting on Mama’s  soft, warm, cozy blanket.  If I had a particularly tough week, on Friday night after dinner,  I would head straight for that bed and crawl under that cozy blanket.  I was pretty certain that blanket had special powers that would snuff out every awful thing. 

Yea, I know.  I have issues.  But most of us do, so don’t be a hater.

SO, back to this past Christmas.  When I opened my gifts I found my Mama had bought me the very same cozy, soft, warm, special-powers, awful-thing-snuffing-out blanket.

  I was pretty sure I heard angels singing when I tore it open. 

I climb under that blankie every night.  When I have a bad day, under the blankie I go and hide all of life’s yuckiness underneath.  It makes me feel warm and cozy and loved. 

Blankies remind me of Psalm 91:4

 He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.

Blankies, for me, are a physical representation of the covering of God.  His protection.  Our refuge. His great love for us.

What about you my faithful readers (all three of you)?  What reminds you of God's protection and love?

May we all be reminded that in life's trials or just the daily grind, we are covered.

Thanks for reading.