remembering you

Today my heart is full of sadness and gratefulness; crying and smiling; sorrow and joy.  It's a paradox of feelings that I have today as I remember  the woman I said "goodbye" to one year ago.

The sadness of missing her talks with me, the gratefullness for having had her in my life, crying as I remember her last days on earth, smiling as I remember time spent with her, sorrow for the void left in my heart, joy for the hope of seeing her again one day-these are the thoughts and emotions running through my head and heart today.

She was a remarkable woman, and I miss her everyday.  There is a big selfish part of me that wants her here with me, so that I could crawl on the couch next to her and tell her everything going on in my life; so I could  here her laugh; and so I could just be with her.   But while I grieve the loss of her in my life, I also rejoice knowing that she is well, fully healed, singing and dancing and spending each moment in the perfect presence of her Savior.  I take comfort in the finished work of the cross, knowing that Jesus died to make a way to reconcile man to Father God.  Because of that work, I am assured of her eternal destiny, and mine.  Because of that work and our decision to accept that gift and make Jesus our Lord and Savior, I am assured that one day I will see her again. 

So today, while I still feel that ache in my heart and while I miss her being a part of my life, I am not without hope.

I Thessalonians 4:
¹³ And now, dear brothers and sisters, we want you to know what will happen to the believers who have died^[f] so you will not grieve like people who have no hope.

2 Corinthians 5:8
⁸ we are of good courage, I say, and  prefer rather to be absent from the body and to be at home with the Lord.

I will take comfort in these verses and in the knowledge that to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord, as I remember where I was one year ago today-saying my last goodbye. 

I will remember the way she ministered to so many people-even in her sickness and pain she reached out to others in need.

I will remember  the example of faithfulness and ministering to others that her life demonstrated, and I will do my best to follow that example throughout my life.

I love you Mama Paula.  Forever and for always.


Remembering you.

I'm just sittin' here remembering your smile
The way we would sit and talk for awhile
Your fun sense of humor and keen sense of style
Right now I'm just sittin' here remembering you

I'm just sittin' here remembering the way
You'd wake up each morning and take time to pray
Asking for grace to go through your day
Right now I'm just sittin' here remembering you

I'm sittin' here remembering the lessons you taught
The love words you whispered when I was distraught
The wisdom and grace your words often brought
Right now I'm just sittin' here remembering you

 I'm just sitting here remembering the day
I told you goodbye that was all I could say
I kissed your sweet face before I walked away
Right now I'm just sittin' here remembering you

I'm just sittin' here feeling so blessed
To have experieced the love of the Father expressed
In the love you gave freely I remember it best
Right now I'm just sittin' here remembering you

I'm just sitting here thinking of when
The glorious day comes and I'll see you again
Then my heart leaps for joy from the pit where it's been
Right now I'm just sittin' here thinking of you

I'm just sittin' here knowing you're healed
Dancing and singing no longer concealed
You now see God's glory fully revealed
Right now I'm just sittin' here thinking of you

Thanks for reading.

Juggling

Well, our family has had quite the week so far.  My bonus son was in a terrible boating accident Sunday evening and could have drowned. He also could have died from his injuries.  He also could have lost one of his legs. 

But God.  :)

He is doing remarkably well, due to the continuous prayers of so many who love and respect him, and the healing power of God.

Hubby and I have been learning the hospital motto-which I've determined is "Come on in, take off your coat and WAIT awhile."  Nothing is done in a hurry around there for sure, but I am grateful he is getting excellent care.  It's a good hospital and he's had great nurses.  God has been so good to him. 

Still, it's hard to see someone you love in pain, and I just wish he didn't have to go through this. 
He's a great kid (22 this month). I just can't say enough good things about him. He's so gracious and thankful to the nurses who are taking care of him- they all love him. He's a sweetie, that's for sure.


As I was driving home tonight from the hospital, with my bonus son on my mind, my heart was just so heavy.  So I tried to switch my focus and figure out what I needed to do when I got home. 

Feed dog. 

get clothes ready for kids. 

make calls to make arrangements for kids to go tomorrow to  friend's house..

make sure hubby has clothes to wear(when was the last time I did laundry???)

Did hubby eat any dinner?

Did I eat any dinner?

and and and...

This week I've been juggling like no other

Kinda like this:

Only the closer I got to home,  I started to feel a little more like this

So, juggling may not be my forte I decided, but it's OK, because just as pulled into town I heard this on the radio:

"When I call on Jesus, all things are possible
I can mount on wings like eagles and soar
When I call on Jesus, mountains are gonna fall
Cuz He'll move heaven and earth to come rescue me when I call"

As if saving my bonus son and protecting him from infection wasn't enough, God is also picking up all those things I keep dropping while trying to juggle them on my own.  He's so awesome like that.  He is the supreme multi-tasker. 

I looked at the seat next to me where my bag of coffee sat.  My mama  had picked it up at the store for me, because I was out.  Anyone who knows me knows this:  I can NOT be out of coffee.  Plus she got me my favorite kind.  :)

When I got home,  there was food on the counter and in my fridge that my dear friend had brought over. 

My children then told me all about the fun day they had with their friends.  My bestie had taken them for the day along with her own 3 kids and driven them to gymnastics, then to dinner and ice cream and the park.  They also learned the art of pumping their arms up and down at semi truck drivers to get them to honk their horn.  I was told 8 of the truck drivers obliged. 

As I thought about all these things I had "dropped"  I began to realize that before they even hit the floor, God had scooped them up and taken care of them. 

As the days move forward, I will try to remember that I need not try to juggle on my own.  I need to call on Jesus, because He's got this.

Whatever any of you  are struggling to juggle, join me in remembering we weren't meant to walk out this life alone.  Don't worry if your items begin to fall, Call on Jesus only then is anything possible.

Thanks for reading.

A lesson from an asparagus

Hello Friends!


Glad you've come back, in spite of my prolonged absence.  You'd think having been gone for awhile that I would have some  great, profound, bit of awesomeness to bring to you.  


Well, don't get your hopes up too high.


I'm kind of a simple gal.


But you may be interested  if you like to talk to tomatoes, if a squash can make you smile...  Because I found a little piece of wisdom from an asparagus last night.


I'm finding myself in a place of changes.


The needs of my family are changing as my children are getting older.


The organization and content of homeschooling the children  is becoming more complex.


Our little family is going through some significant changes in some other areas of our lives that may very well have a great impact on us all.


We are experiencing some major growing pains.


OUCH!!

Anyone who knows me well, knows this about me:  I do NOT adjust to change easily.  I do not run to greet changes with open arms and give them a great big hug.  


I tend to lean more toward the running away from while screaming apprehensive slow approach to changes.  


But running or embracing, either way, changes come.   I will have to adjust.  


I'm a bit slow, so right about the time I get used to something it changes.  A friend of mine says it something like this:
I just get my ducks in a row and they start waddling away.   


So as I have been pondering all these changes in my adult manner, and contemplating how everything will work out, I have missed out on the simplest of things.


I was watching Veggie Tales (yes, I'm 38 years old and yes I still LOVE Veggie Tales) with my kiddos last night.  We were watching a Silly Songs episode where they play some of the songs from various shows.


*side note:  If you've never seen Veggie Tales or don't know what they are, google it.  It's worth watching.  They are a garden variety of veggies who tell stories from the Bible, give moral lessons, plus they have silly songs in each episode just for silly fun.


So the last song is called My Day sung by Jr. Asparagus.  He lays down in his bed at the end of the day and sings...


In my bed I start to pray and tell God all about my day


Then he sings all about the good things that happened in his day; the way he followed the rules, did his chores, learned new things at school, and had some fun with his friends.


Then he sings:


And so it’s good to know
How much you love me
It’s true, the bible says you do
You really love me
Your love was with me all throughout my day



It is a very easy thing for me to see the hand of God in the beauty of a wonderful day.  It is a very easy thing for me to say prayers of thanksgiving for all of His goodness to me, and acknowledge that every good thing comes from God.  Much like Jr. Asparagus, on those days I can feel and know that His love was with me all throughout my day.


In the second verse he sings about some not so wonderful things.  He failed to complete his duties, he had trouble sharing and following rules, he brings attention to those things that are less than wonderful about himself.  And yet at the end of the verse he again sings:


And so it’s really good to know
How much you love me
It’s true, the bible says you do
You really love me
Your love was with me all throughout my day


What I realized in Jr.'s simple song was that God's love for me doesn't change if I have a good day or a bad day; if I let His light shine through me, or if my character flaws shine brighter; if I am good, bad or ugly- His love never changes, and neither does the fact that He is always with me all throughout my day.


Watching this simple song being sung by a small asparagus put my adult-contemplative-pondering mind back to a simple child-like truth.  


When I lay down in my bed at night, I don't need to figure everything out.  I don't need to yell at myself about all my character flaws and all the ways I have done things the wrong way that day.  I don't need to worry. 


 I can sing along with Jr. in the last line of the song...


In my bed so quietly
I rest in knowing God loves me


Maybe that simple yet complete faith is why Jesus said this to the disciples:


Matthew 18:1-3
 ¹ At that time the disciples came to Jesus and asked, “Who, then, is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?”
 ² He called a little child to him, and placed the child among them. ³ And he said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.


Most of the day requires me to be an adult with an adult mind to make adult decisions and carry out adult responsibilities. 


 But I still must find that quiet time at the end of all of that when I can be a child.  I need to lay down and tell God all about my day-good and awful-and rest in knowing that no matter what He loves me and His love is with me all throughout my day.

Thanks for reading