Now I Can See

I love stories.   

I especially love stories that touch the heart and soul.  I love the stories about the realities of life-from tragedies to triumphs.  I love stories that end with truth and justice prevailing.   But life's stories don't always have happy endings.   And sometimes, while living out our own stories, we are faced with unhappy endings.   While we search for answers,  sometimes we just come up empty.  

I was thinking about one of my favorite Bible stories.  It's found in John chapter 9.   Here's a recap:

So Jesus is walking along with His disciples and here sits this blind man begging.  The disciples ask Jesus who had sinned the man or his parents.  What had caused him to be born blind.  Jesus says no one sinned, this man is going to be used to display the good works of God.  So Jesus spits on some dirt, rubs it on the man's eyes and sends him to wash it off in the pool of Siloam.  The man washes and goes home seeing.  

So great story, right?  Blind beggar with no hope for any kind of future is given a new lease on life.  Yay, good wins.  

Then come the townspeople, and they start talking...  "Hey is this the same dude who was a blind beggar?"  "Naw bro, that's not him, he just looks like him"  The man says "It's really me.  See this Jesus came and he made some mud with dirt and spit, rubbed the stuff on my eyes, and told me to go wash it off over at Siloam.  So I did that, and now I can see.  Isn't that awesome?"  

The townspeople didn't think it was so awesome.   It WAS the Sabbath day, after all.  They brought the man to the Pharisees who demanded answers.  Who was this Jesus, why was He healing on the Sabbath Day, surely He wasn't from God.  HOW did he do this?  I love the man's response.  He's says  "I don't know.   All I know is that I was blind, and now I can see."    

The man's parents didn't want to stand up to the Pharisees, so they gracefully bowed out of the situation and said, "Ask our son yourselves, he's a grown man." So the Pharisees continued to grill the man, asking him all kinds of questions about Jesus.  The man pointed out that no one else had ever opened the eyes of a blind man, so this Jesus must be from God.  With more and more questions, the man replied in the same way he had all long.  I don't know who He is or where He has gone.    Here's what I know-I was blind and now I can see."  Then the Pharisees, sent him out.  Excommunicated.  Shunned from the community.  

Now I love this next part.  Jesus hears they booted the man out and He goes to him.  

35 Jesus heard that they had thrown him out, and when he found him, he said, “Do you believe in the Son of Man?”36 “Who is he, sir?” the man asked. “Tell me so that I may believe in him.”37 Jesus said, “You have now seen him; in fact, he is the one speaking with you.”38 Then the man said, “Lord, I believe,” and he worshiped him.

The man didn't attempt to understand complicated theology, he just said "Lord, I believe."  He didn't  argue theology with the Pharisees.  He simply said "All I know is that I was blind and now I can see."  Please don't misunderstand,  I'm not saying there's no point to theology.  Biblical knowledge, studying and understanding the scriptures are important.  But sometimes I think we complicate the Gospel.  The Gospel simply says "Come, all you who are weary and heavy and I'll give you rest"  The gospel says "Jesus will take your story, no matter how tragic or worthless it's been and make it into something new."  The gospel may even say "This tragedy is part of your story, but because of that, God is now glorified."  The gospel, the GOOD news, isn't to be re-adjusted so it fits into our religious theology.  At least not the kind gospel that Jesus presented to the blind man.   

With Jesus it really was quite simple.  Here's some dirt, some spit and some water to wash it off.  Jesus used simple methods to do miraculous things.  The man then told his "good news" to others by telling his story of how his whole life was completely changed. "I was blind and now I see." 

How often do we keep parts of our story hidden?   How might our own stories present the gospel, the good news, to others?  How do our triumphs, and yes, even our tragedies point to the beauty of Jesus?  Even in the unhappy endings we face in this life, we have a comforter and a community.  Even when we search for answers and come up empty, we are filled with the Spirit of the living God.   Do we share those things, or do we put on a smile and mask of religious superiority.  Are we real, or do we follow a protocol of religion?     Do we say "God can help YOU, but I'm good."  Do we fail to connect because we don't want to take that risk?  Or do we open ourselves up and say, "ya know what?  I was lost and this is how Jesus came to me.  I was alone and I called out to Jesus and He heard me.  I was a train wreck and Jesus put me back on track.  Sometimes I am a big bottle of crazy sauce with a side of nuts, but this is how Jesus is still transforming my life.  This is my story and it isn't over yet.  Because of grace, I can see the beauty of Christ in the world and in every situation that I face in this life.  I was blind, but now I see."   

 See, we can argue theology, we can make our points and drive them home with a page full of scripture to back us up.   We can engage in those arguments of theology and life's tough questions so long that the good news of the gospel becomes secondary to making our point.    What did Jesus do?  He connected with the man in a simple way.  What then did the man do?  He connected to others with His story.  And even though that particular connection got him shunned,  Jesus went to him.   The good news of gospel may not always be well received, but Jesus will always come to us. And the gospel will always change our lives.    

Maybe we don't have all the theological answers, but one thing we do have is our story.   Our story of how the love of Jesus has changed our lives, comforted us in the darkness of life's hard times, gave us hope in hopeless situations, and how God is STILL continuing to give us grace and mercy when we least deserve it.   Our story can present the gospel in a way that connects us all as people who need Jesus.   Connection that says:

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” -Matthew 11

One thing that no one in the story of this blind man could deny:   The man was born blind, and now he could see.  

The Bible doesn't tell us anymore about the man and what happened for the rest of his life.  I would like to think that when asked about his story, he would continue to answer questions in the same way.  "This Jesus changed my life.  I'm not really sure how or why He did it;  All I know is that I was blind and now I can see."

Share your stories, share yourselves, make connections.  The gospel is all about connection anyway, the connection through the finished work of Jesus back to the heart of the Father.   If we could put away our arguments just for a minute and connect, maybe the Gospel could be heard in it's purest and most simple form. 

 "I was blind, but now I can see"

January winds

Bitter cold air.

Snow covering the grass.

Boots, snow pants, mittens and hats strewn about my living room.

Yes, winter has officially arrived.  It IS January after all, and I DO live in Michigan-so this should come as no surprise.  We've had such a mild December and January thus far that I almost forgot that it is winter.  Almost forgot, but not entirely.

My heart knows it's January.  January and I have a rocky relationship.  So much so that I almost hate to see it arrive.  The bitter cold winds of January have blown in some incredibly difficult times throughout my life.  

It was in January when I was 16 years old, I stood beside my Mamaw for days as she lay dying in the hospital.  It was late one January night when she drew in her last breath as I stood holding her hand.  It was that same January night that I saw my dad cry heaving sobs of grief and my aunts and cousins cry in overwhelming sorrow at the loss of their mother.   It was a few days later in January that Auntie V and I held onto one another so that both of us could stand, while we said our final "until we meet again" to this woman we both loved so much.  My Mamaw was my buddy and I still find myself missing her.

It was in January when I was 20 years old  that I had come to a place of such despair that I had given up on life completely.  I found myself in the psychiatric unit of a hospital for attempted suicide(this was the first in a long battle of depression and suicidal thinking and attempts).  It was one of the coldest winters that year.   It was that same January that my life was forever changed.  Circumstances in my life had reached a breaking point, my heart and soul were completely shattered into a million pieces, and I truly believed that my life was over.  I had lost all hope that my future would be anything but miserable.

To quote my mama's  favorite saying "But God".

God intervened and although circumstances were still broken, as were my heart and soul,  He made a way for healing and restoration.   God has redeemed the lost years and has worked (and continues to work) a miracle in my heart and life.  It was not quick.  It was not painless.  It was not pretty.  But in the end, the result of all that I have been through is a life filled with many testimonies of God's faithfulness.

Now 18 years later, it's January once again and I find myself in a state of transition.  In case you haven't gotten the memo on this blog of mine, I'm not a fan of change.  I like things to stay the same (I may have mentioned this a few hundred times on here).  But times they are a-changin', and I have found myself this January struggling with those changes and also with those same old feelings of desperation.    Those feelings that say "You can't make it"  "You don't have what it takes"  "You are weak".  "You are not enough".  But I have learned something in these past 18 years.  I have learned that rather than fight those intense waves of depression and flail in the water in a desperate attempt to save myself,  I cry out "save me Jesus" then  I say to those feelings "It's OK if I don't have what it takes, and yes I am weak, and I am most certainly not enough, but I can make it because God is all that I am not and He is willing and able to rescue me."   I know now, from past experiences, that every trial, every pain, every disappointment and every tear will make their way back around to testify of God's faithfulness and love.  God has a plan and His plans are always good.

To be honest,  I have many days where depression and anxiety still get the best of me, and I find myself more often than I'd like to admit in a place of flailing and near drowning.  I too often fail to remember the lessons I've learned and cry out for help.  Too often I look around at the storm and not on the hand reaching down to rescue me.  To fail to mention those struggles may lead you to think that I have it all together, and rest assured I do not.  But that's really the most beautiful thing of all isn't it?  That none of us really have it all together, but God does.  And while I am no where near where I want to be, I am so much better than I used to be.

Friends, when things look the darkest and the most hopeless, do not give up.  Never think for one moment that God can't turn things around.  I know He can take the most hopeless of circumstances and turn it into something beautiful.  It may not be quick, it may not be painless, it may not even be pretty, but in the end it will be beautiful.

I love this song.  Especially the part that says  "I have come undone, but I have just begun, changing by your grace"... God has blessed me beyond what I could have ever asked Him for, and the best part is that He's not through with me yet.  He is so good.
He can take anything we are willing to give Him and make it beautiful.

Thanks for reading.