On turning 40...

Forty isn't old, if you're a tree-anonymous 

Today I turn 40, the big 4-0.  I'd love to impress you with all the cool things I did to usher in a new decade, but I spent the last day of my 30s pretty uneventfully.  I cleaned some things around the house, did some laundry, got myself a coffee on my way into work, and spent the afternoon and evening at work-with people MUCH older than 40.   Suddenly, 40 didn't seem so old after all.  Ahhh, perspective.     After work, I came home and said "goodbye" to my 30s.    I thought about some things.  I thought about a lot of things.  

I clearly remember when I was about to turn 30.  That was a hard birthday.  I knew I was supposed to really be a grown up and have my act together at 30, but I wasn't even anywhere close to having much of anything together.   I thought, well maybe I'd have it figured out when I hit 40.  Now I'm 40 and the more I learn the less I feel I really know.   

But that's OK.  At 40 I'm not thinking about how I'm going to figure things out anymore.  I don't need to.  Figuring things out isn't really working for me.  Trusting and believing and staying true to the One who knit me together,  planned out every one of my days, and wrote them in a book before I was even born-that's where I need to keep my focus. (Psalm 139:13-16)  Even when I don't understand, I just need to keep walking-walking ahead, walking through the pain in the night and walking in the joy that comes in the morning, walking through "goodbyes", walking through endings, walking through new beginnings, walking in the wind and rain and sunshine and warm breezes alike, walking the course that has been set before me, and following the examples of those who are faithful in their walk and those who have been faithful and have finished their course.   Just walking faithfully in His plan for my life, no matter what lies ahead.

I am blessed to have others that link their arms with mine and choose to walk with me.   God has made us and fashioned us for relationships, with Himself and with each other.   I'm grateful for those I call friends(family included).   One of my heart-sister friends introduced me, some time ago, to Patty Griffin (one of my favorite artists)  She has this song called 10 million miles, that I love love love.  
"I must've walked 10 million miles" and I'm sure I have at least as many miles left to walk.   And so even when I don't understand my path I must keep walking.   When the clouds are blocking the light and I don't know which way this path is leading, when I can only see directly in front of me,  I must keep walking.   My friends, let us walk on in the path that is set before us.  Let's  not veer off, even if another way  looks better, even if the path we are on is suddenly looking pretty scary, even if we lose people along the way,  even if our path is rough and we see  pain up ahead, let us stay the course.   Because we know that He works ALL things out for our good when we love Him and are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28) Even when we may feel alone,  let's remember that  He has promised to never leave or forsake us (Hebrews 13:5).  
At 40 years old I am so grateful that I have never walked a single mile alone.  Thank you to all my friends who have walked with me.  I "search for your sweet face" as I walk, for encouragement to keep on keepin' on.  

And friends, if I should  start to repeat to you the same story I told you yesterday, or start discussing my popping knee joint and sore back, or worse yet, continuously discuss how often my bowels move, all I can say is I'm 40 and walking 10 million miles takes its toll.

Thanks for reading.

Although dead, she is still speaking...

It was by faith that Abel brought a more acceptable offering to God than Cain did. Abel's offering gave evidence that he was a righteous man, and God showed his approval of his gifts. Although Abel is long dead, he still speaks to us by his example of faith-Hebrews 11:4


Two years ago I said 'Goodbye" to an incredible woman of faith.  Mama Paula was an exemplary example of faith even in midst of tremendous pain and suffering.  Her faith in the sovereign plan of God never wavered, no matter what circumstances she found herself in.  I remember her saying so often "I don't know what the Lord's doing, but He's doing something, and He is good."   She had faith that God was in control, no matter what, and she intended to praise Him with her whole heart.  

 She  battled cancer with such grace and faith.  She was so full of the love of Christ, that many times when she was in the hospital she would pray for others.  Even in the midst of tremendous pain in her body, she was more concerned for those around her.  Everywhere she went she shared the love of Jesus.  Always. 

She opened her heart and home to me, and asked for nothing in return.  When she first met me, I had nothing to offer.  I was a hot mess with a side of crazy.  She brought me in and loved me through all the messiness that was my life.   She was a caring, practical, and often times just plain silly woman, whose unwavering faith in God continues to be an example to the many of us she left behind.  She loved with her whole heart right up until the time she took her last breath.   She was my friend, my sister in Christ, my Mama and I miss her more than I could ever put into words.


She's been gone two years this Wednesday, and I feel like the whole planet should just stop moving for just a minute and remember her time on earth.  She was so special, not just to me, but to so many.  She influenced the lives of many people by loving them, and praying with them and bringing them to Jesus.   I know that although she is no longer with us here on earth, the words she spoke, the way she loved and her example of faith lives on in the lives of those of us who knew her.

This week I intend to honor her memory by doing some of the things that she taught me. I'm going to eat Malt-O Meal for breakfast (she used to make it for me when I lived with her).  I am going to believe in faith for an answer to prayer that I have not seen happen yet.  I'm going to show the love of Jesus to others.  I'm going to get down on the floor and be silly with my kids.   I'm going to read my children the book she gave me called "Just in Case You Ever Wonder" by Max Lucado.   I'm going to praise God no matter how I feel, because-just like she told me so many times-He is good and worthy to be praised.  I'm going to be thankful for the time I had her in my life, and I'm going to give thanks to Jesus that He made a way so I can see her again one day.  


A good character is the best tombstone. Those who loved you and were helped by you will remember you when forget-me-nots have withered. Carve your name on hearts, not on marble.-Charles Spurgeon

Yes, Mama Paula, you have carved your name on many hearts.   We all are better for it, and we will never forget what you've taught us.


I love you Mama Paula.  For ever and for always.  


This is a photo Cricket, Mama Paula, and I at a New Year's party in 2009.   

Thanks for reading.