On turning 40...

Forty isn't old, if you're a tree-anonymous 

Today I turn 40, the big 4-0.  I'd love to impress you with all the cool things I did to usher in a new decade, but I spent the last day of my 30s pretty uneventfully.  I cleaned some things around the house, did some laundry, got myself a coffee on my way into work, and spent the afternoon and evening at work-with people MUCH older than 40.   Suddenly, 40 didn't seem so old after all.  Ahhh, perspective.     After work, I came home and said "goodbye" to my 30s.    I thought about some things.  I thought about a lot of things.  

I clearly remember when I was about to turn 30.  That was a hard birthday.  I knew I was supposed to really be a grown up and have my act together at 30, but I wasn't even anywhere close to having much of anything together.   I thought, well maybe I'd have it figured out when I hit 40.  Now I'm 40 and the more I learn the less I feel I really know.   

But that's OK.  At 40 I'm not thinking about how I'm going to figure things out anymore.  I don't need to.  Figuring things out isn't really working for me.  Trusting and believing and staying true to the One who knit me together,  planned out every one of my days, and wrote them in a book before I was even born-that's where I need to keep my focus. (Psalm 139:13-16)  Even when I don't understand, I just need to keep walking-walking ahead, walking through the pain in the night and walking in the joy that comes in the morning, walking through "goodbyes", walking through endings, walking through new beginnings, walking in the wind and rain and sunshine and warm breezes alike, walking the course that has been set before me, and following the examples of those who are faithful in their walk and those who have been faithful and have finished their course.   Just walking faithfully in His plan for my life, no matter what lies ahead.

I am blessed to have others that link their arms with mine and choose to walk with me.   God has made us and fashioned us for relationships, with Himself and with each other.   I'm grateful for those I call friends(family included).   One of my heart-sister friends introduced me, some time ago, to Patty Griffin (one of my favorite artists)  She has this song called 10 million miles, that I love love love.  
"I must've walked 10 million miles" and I'm sure I have at least as many miles left to walk.   And so even when I don't understand my path I must keep walking.   When the clouds are blocking the light and I don't know which way this path is leading, when I can only see directly in front of me,  I must keep walking.   My friends, let us walk on in the path that is set before us.  Let's  not veer off, even if another way  looks better, even if the path we are on is suddenly looking pretty scary, even if we lose people along the way,  even if our path is rough and we see  pain up ahead, let us stay the course.   Because we know that He works ALL things out for our good when we love Him and are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28) Even when we may feel alone,  let's remember that  He has promised to never leave or forsake us (Hebrews 13:5).  
At 40 years old I am so grateful that I have never walked a single mile alone.  Thank you to all my friends who have walked with me.  I "search for your sweet face" as I walk, for encouragement to keep on keepin' on.  

And friends, if I should  start to repeat to you the same story I told you yesterday, or start discussing my popping knee joint and sore back, or worse yet, continuously discuss how often my bowels move, all I can say is I'm 40 and walking 10 million miles takes its toll.

Thanks for reading.

Mid-life crisis, workin' nights, and Lucky Charms

Hello my friends.

Are any of you still out there?  I'm sorry I've not been around in quite some time.  I can't imagine what you have had to occupy your time without new fresh blog posts from the crazy space I call my mind.  Well, you shall wait no more...  Here's a quick peek at what I've been up to...

First, my darling daughter turned 13.  The magic teenage number.  She has entered the years that parents most dread.   Having a teenager made me feel kinda old.  Yea, that's where it all started...

 A week later, I turned 39.  Yup.  My last year before the big 4-0.  I had a bit of a mid-life crisis of sorts and decided it was high time I got a needle poked through the thick cartilage on my face.  Nothing says "Happy 39th Birthday" quite like getting your nose pierced. 

Did it hurt?, you ask.  You do want to know don't you?  Well, I'm going to tell you. 

YES!!  It hurt.  really bad.  I almost passed out when after the first time the stud went bursting through my nose, I heard the words "aww c'mon"  and watched the drawer open for another set of needles to try again a second time.  He did get it all the way through on the second try.  OUCH.   I survived though.  And I staggered walked out to my family who was waiting for me. 

Oh, did I forget to mention that I took hubby and the three children with me to the body piercing/tattoo shop?  Yea, cuz isn't that what everyone does-takes the fam. with them for piercings?  No?  Well, whatever.  We all know I'm not typical anyway. 

SO once I got in the car, my skin was clammy, I was light headed and I threw up.  Yea, I'm that tough.  But I did it, and that's gotta count on the bravery spectrum somewhere right?? 
So now I have a jewel in my nose.  Yup.  And I'm really looking forward to seeing how that is gonna work when I get my first cold.  Don't worry, I'll be sure to let you know.  You can't wait huh?  Maybe I'll even include pictures. ;)




After my birthday was over, I began looking for a job.  Since I had gotten my STNA license I thought it was high time I use it and go look for part time work.  I found a place that had openings on 3rd shift.  I was hoping for 2nd shift, because I can't work 1st with the kiddos to take care of and all, but 2nd shift would be ideal.  3rd was all they had open at the time, and I thought maybe I could do that.  "Sure you can" I told myself.  No problem.  I had it all planned out.  I would work, then come home and stay awake until the afternoon, then sleep until evening on the days I had to work.  Yea, great theory, great plan, poor execution.  More often than not,  I fall asleep and stay asleep for a grand total of 2 hours or so and then I lay there.  And lay there.  And tell myself "If you don't get some sleep, you're going to be exhausted", and then I close my eyes, determined to fall asleep, and...I just. lay. there.   UGH!  Then I brew a pot of coffee, guzzle it down and go to work.

Work.  Ahhh, now that's a blog story for another day...

Back to 3rd shift...The crazy thing about working 3rd shift is that I literally almost never know what day it is.  Seriously.  Even on the days I don't work, I can't figure out what day it is. I'm not quite sure when or what I'm supposed to eat either.  They give us a "lunch" break, but what does one eat at 2am?  When is breakfast,  lunch and supper?  I can't quite figure it out.  Then, when my shift is over and  I drive home, my eyes start seeing things that I'm pretty sure aren't really there.  Working 3rds is  seriously messing with my thought processes (and we all know my thought processes need  no help in the "messing with" dept.). 

I called my sister (a respiratory therapist)  and told her all about it (she's worked 3rds before) I said "I feel like I'm going to die" She said "YUP-that's how it is".  Oh yay. 

I'm so tired, and I feel old.  And so we are back full circle to the "I'm feeling old" thought process that started this whole mid-life crisis-get a hole in your face-change careers-thing in the first place.  Oi to the Vey.  Seriously. 

Maybe if I eat the kids' cereal I'll feel younger.  Yea, that should help.  How can you feel old while eating cereal with fun shaped marshmallows(which, by the way, I can't chew.  They give me chills when they touch my teeth-weird huh). 

SO the big question is, when exactly do I eat these???  I can't remember when I'm supposed to eat breakfast...






Thanks for reading.